Naveszn’s Met Gala Recap: Thumbs Up or Jail

May 7, 2019

Twas the night of the Met Gala,

Every gown was whirling, many hands were stirring, and many edges were curling. Queens, Kings, Princes and Princesses from far and wide came to grace the presence of this much anticipated event. All except our one true Queen, our fair Lady, Robyn Rihanna Fenty was nowhere to be seen. A profound show stopper could only be found being a troll on the inters of net. Oh Rihanna, where art thou when we needeth thee to come shut shitteth thee fucketh down? I digress. Tis neither here nor there. We shall wait until next year. First the album, now the Met. We need you.

Sincerely,

A loyal peasant. <3

Wow. It seems like the Met Gala sneaks up on us every year, the first Monday in May. While we cope with the absence of Rihanna and Beyonce, we relish in the fact that so many people came to slay and not play. This year’s theme of “Camp”might have confused you with it’s denotation being an outside environment with tents and firewood. But it’s description was derived from Susan Sontag’s 1964 essay “Notes on Camp.” Her essay describes  Camp as “the sensibility of failed seriousness, of the theatricalization of experience.” Unconventional fashion. Drama, Honey. A perfect description is 2009 Nicki Minaj and Gaga. But really Drag Queen and House culture are the ultimate frontrunners that embody the true essence of what Camp is. “Outrageous, Unconventional but Fabulous to the core.” With that being said, FX’s Pose star, Billy Porter snatched my wig early on. Let’s hop into these outfit reviews.

I can’t cover them all but here are some memorable ones. Thumbs up for slay and Jail for you should’ve stayed your ass home.

Billy Porter: All Fingers up..wow

I had to post these five images of Billy in his custom The Blonds Jumpsuit and Givenchy boots. Shortly after seeing him being carried in by 6 beautiful men and then opening his wings, looking like the reincarnation of Ma’at, I passed out. This was too much. This type of slay is not for the faint of heart, bitch. I mean the only reason I continued to look at the Gala after this was for Rihanna. He shut the Met down early. I’m on bed rest after witnessing this excellence. He is my night’s favorite besides Janelle Monae and Cardi.

Janelle Monae: Thumbs Up

Do you guys remember that picture of the guy that they said was Jason Derulo falling down the steps of the Met Gala?

This was me as soon as I saw Janelle Monae. One, Janelle could wear a brown paper bag and I’d still swoon. But this custom Christian Siriano was nothing short of gravity defying and taking some lessons from artist like Salvador Dali with a surreal flare. The blinking eye took me out. She was definitely a winner tonight.

Cardi B: Thumbs Up

Bloody Shoes. Bloody Boobs. Bloody Dress. Cardi, brought all the smoke. My wig flew across the country and I’m waiting for someone to mail it back. This Thom Browne dress dragged everyone across the carpet. And her makeup….where was the flaw because I saw none? Cardi is definitely on of the winners of the Met Gala.

Serena Williams: Virgil Abloh Deserves Jail time

Serena is fucking gorgeous and a queen to say the least. But with Virgil’s recent controversy of having 136 white staff members for his team at Off-White, he was trying to prove a point by dressing our good sis, Serena. He deserves jail time especially for the sneakers.

Ciara: Thumbs Up

I……..am honestly left without words. Ciara stepped into that bitch like The Black Jade from Mortal Kombat coming in to save the entire Met Gala. This Peter Dundas gown was was beautifully crafted with feathers and crystals. Ciara, if I could just touch the hem of your feathered garment. That slight oblique peeking from under her dress called me fat and told me to go to the gym with my lazy ass.

Ashton Sanders: Jail

Nat Turner’s rebellion or Nat King Cole? The world may never know. Sorry King, I had to use to this joke. So if you see this, know that I respect your craft and your fashion sense overall. This Telfar ensemble was just a No for me.

Laverne Cox: Thumbs Up

Laverne Cox came. She saw. She conquered in this beautiful Christian Siriano dress. I could only dream to be as much of a bad, elegant bitch as she is. Thank you, Laverne. Also, Christian Siriano put his back into all of these dresses.

Emily Ratajkowski: Thumbs Up

This woman showed up as an angel in the flesh. Not sure if she fell from a cloud or the Victoria’s Secret fashion show but whatever it was, she blew me the hell away. Her stomach also told me that I was pitiful. The Gone Girl actress wore a custom Peter Dundas dress and Swarovski Crystal and feathered headpiece. Stunning…

Kerby Jean-Raymond and Lena Waithe: Thumbs Up

These custom Pyer Moss Suits by Kerby Jean Raymond, that he and Lena Waithe wore, were definitely  beautifully made and intentional to say the least. They showed up and left a message just in case anybody forgot where this “Camp” idea came from. LET. THEM. KNOW. YALL.

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Just In case @lenawaithe

A post shared by Kerby Jean-Raymond (@kerbito) on

Suit 1: Fix Your Credit. Pool Money. Buy Back the Block.

Suit 2: Black Drag Queens Invented Camp.

Also Rest in Peace, Nipsey!

Side note: Someone tell Teen Vogue to put some respect on Kerbito’s name. THIS IS NOT CHADWICK BOSEMAN!!!!!

French Montana: Prison

It was definitely a silent night for French Montana with this Three Wise Men fit. The Theme was not the Birth of the Savior, French. I was too annoyed to even look up the designer. He deserves time for this outfit.

The Kardashians and Jenners: 2/3Thumbs Up

 

No matter how annoying this family may be to me at times, they always come correct. Kendall and Kylie definitely were showstoppers in their Versace gowns reminiscent of Carnival. Wouldn’t be them without a little appropriation. Then Kris came in with the Fish dinner bob, we stan a hardworking ghetto grandma. The Tommy Hilfger fit was nice when taken apart. But overall the woman is in her 60s and looks DAMN GOOD. Now Kim, at first I was like….but then taking a step back, she really did that with this custom Mugler dress. The illusion of being soaked was so realistic and her waist… Her waist cussed me out. It brought the drama.

Odell Beckham Jr: Jail

As fine as this man is, he decided to come as a Scottish Male Stripper. Still fine but it’s a no for me, boo.

Lupita Nyongo: Thumbs Up

With the Golden picks and the most beautiful chocolate skin, she shut shit down. Enough said. This colorful Versace dress and fan……..not even fair. Her face doesn’t even look real. Lupita, I’d pay to be your tether.

Violet Chachki: Thumbs Up

Her Moschino Glove Gown smacked the fuck out of me. An elegant slay. The queens came to deliver. Period.

There were so many more but you guys have probably seen many of them. I’m still saddened at no Rihanna. But hey, it’s all good. Gotta let the Avon lady do what she does. And whoever made that ill fitting photoshopped picture, let’s schedule a meeting to duke it out.

Next year, I hope to see more people do their research on the theme, if not, give me your invite. Me and my mom have already successfully practiced our Met grand entrances so, we’re fully prepared. Hope you guys enjoyed. Leave a comment if you agree or disagree.

 

Author: Nave Sizon

Founder of Naveszn.com - I'm a FL native, a Howard and Columbia grad and a creator of many things. As a polymath, I do so much. I care about so many things. Naveszn.com was the perfect tool to utilize my gifts and my love for highlighting the talents and stories of black people and culture.